Author: kerri

Dear F&F,
June 24-26, 2009

I am reading a book with this title. Thor Heyerdahl, a young Norwegian man and wife Liv decide to \”return to nature\” in the 1930s just before the outbreak of World War II. He had studied anthropology in college and believed people would be better off living off the land with less use of modern inventions. Thor Heyerdall also wrote \”Kon Tiki\” which you may have heard of. It is interesting to read the book while actually here. It has some black & white photos of the same views out my window. Heyerdahl\’s premise was that it made no sense for the peoples of Polynesia to have come from anywhere except the Americas as otherwise they would have been going directly against the wind and waves for up to 8000 miles.

Getting here was NOT FUN however. Scott saw the weather forecast was such that if we didn\’t sail over here Wednesday, we would have to sit in Hiva Oa another full week. We were kind of \”done\” with Hiva Oa so decided to just come now. We knew the wind & sea would be against us, but I had no idea it would be so horrible. Scott bravely manned the helm the whole way, I was essentially useless. I knew he needed sustenance to get us there, so gave him food & drink periodically. We left at 7:00 a.m. & arrived here 8 hours later. We had the main up with 2 reefs and our smallest headsail out but STILL had to motor to make enough speed / headway to arrive before dark. I took seasick meds, but they just barely kept me from losing my cookies. If I\’d known how rough it was I would have put a patch on the night before. Hoping for the best is not a good strategy for preventing seasickness. The sea swell was 8-12 feet with another 2-4 feet of wind chop on top. Imagine driving your car up & down very steep hills over & over for 8 hours. Slamming & pounding all the way. To stand or walk I had to clutch onto anything I could grab & I only did that when Scott needed assistance with the sails or to take him food. I could not sit for very long. It was like being on a very violent amusement ride & trust me after 1 hour it was not amusing. After 8 I was about as low as I can get. I spent most of the trip curled up in the salon with my back & feet bracing me into position, periodically having to hold onto the table to not get thrown onto the floor. Slow deep breathing was all that got me through. I knew I had to endure it. Through the window I could see Scott sitting determined at the helm. Getting bounced around like a Jack in the Box. Poor guy, covered in sea spray & waves.

We had not prepared the boat properly for the conditions. The elastic from the outside ceiling hatch Sunbrella \”hats\” that shade the interior caught a bit under several hatches so they were not sealed completely. Just the right wave angle & water poured in. For 4 hours I was fine in my spot of the settee, then just the right wave soaked my legs where I was curled up. The guest bathroom got drenched & the water ran down the hallway in both directions. The galley – drenched. The large window coverings up front were unsnapped by the waves. Scott ran forward quickly and rescued them just before they were lost overboard. The power of the ocean is a force to be reckoned with. I reckon I am not very brave in the face of it. I endured it, but it took a huge toll on my psyche.

The anchorage at Fatu Hiva is deep & protected from the ocean swell, but the mountains are high & the wind races down several cuts between ridges, so we have gusts up to 30 knots frequently. Anchoring the boat with that kind of gusty wind is tricky. Scott was at the helm & me on the bow. It is impossible to hear each other in the roar of the wind, so we have hand signals to help us in our maneuvers. We had to stand off & wait for another boat which was wandering around the bay to get anchored so we could see where there was an opening for us. We found a shallow spot close to the shore & thought we set down ok, but the French guy on the boat behind us had a fit, saying we were over his anchor, which we were not. Close to it, but not over it. But he was so persistently agitating that we moved back quite a bit. The bay slopes deep quickly, so you can\’t anchor back too far.
Meanwhile the boat that was wandering before starts wandering again, not happy with where they were. They do not have enough chain or a heavy enough anchor. So they keep dragging. It makes all the boats nervous. We anchored once, then up again & moved ourselves to be centered between the other boats better, not too close to anyone. With the strong winds, the boats swing nearly 180 degrees.

After the rough passage, it was hard for me to feel any kind of relaxation in here. The bouts of roaring wind & consequent noise aboard are not restful. I was distraught & just cried. Scott of course feels terrible for putting me through this. He is tired, but fine & happy to be here. It is a beautiful bay. Postcard beautiful. But I think I suffered from post traumatic stress. Not just from the one day of rough sailing. But from the 17 � day passage. From the 4 miles of walking in the heat with heavy bags. From the 7 hours bumpy road drive the day yesterday. From the 180 gallons of diesel schlepped via dinghy. From the mildew and salt everywhere inside & out. It has all piled up on me and I do not have any more inner resources to cope.

I manage to pull myself together to make us a nice dinner of steak & potatoes. Culinary comfort is a good thing. A bottle of wine helps a bit. Scott goes to sleep early but I cannot sleep, despite medication due to the howling wind & many flapping banging boat noises. I go in the guest cabin, which we made up in a way that I can have half the bed for these nights that I need my own space. The aft half is garage overflow. I close all the windows & put in my ear plugs to try to block the noise. I sleep fitfully because it is so hot & stuffy inside without any ventilation.

June 25
Thursday I am glad to wake up & begin a new day. I know my job is to get a grip. Do whatever I can to make myself feel better. I enroll Scott to help wipe the interior areas that got salted up. Just that helps it feel less like camping. We see that sailing friends from \”Giselle\” came into the anchorage during the night so invite them for lunch. \”They were brave out in that sea, said Scott\”, but we knew they looked at the same weather reports we did.

I have had some insights into my mental state. When you go on a trip, no matter how fun & interesting, there is the traveling part (whether car, plane or train) that is tiring. And sightseeing & being a tourist can be tiring. You are always happy to get home & do the laundry & sort of recover from your vacation. We have not had any chance of that. In Mexico & Central America we spent weeks at many docks. We had internet & Skype. There are no docks until Tahiti.

Becoming aware that what I need is some time \”at home\” to recover from the traveling & not be a constant tourist was helpful. I shared my insight with Scott & he is all for taking whatever time I need to feel better. He is not pushing me to go to ashore to explore until I am ready. I will be glad to take a walk & hike & see the place for sure. But I need some gaps. Some non-travel days & non-tourist days. Days to not only work work, work on whatever the boat needs to make it live-able. But time to write, read, cook & relax. This is not the easiest place to do this because of the gusts of wind that pipe up frequently out of nowhere. And the sudden rain squalls. That is why places like this are so green. Frequent rain. Anyway, I feel a bit more at peace understanding myself and ways to recuperate. This is good.

I open 3 cans of lentils, mix with 1 can of tomatoes serve topped with freshly fried bacon & cornmeal muffins. It was blazing hot in the galley but I wanted comfort food so put up with the heat. If it\’s not raining & we can keep the windows open, there is plenty of nice breeze so it\’s a comfortable temperature. If you aren\’t being blown over. But then it will suddenly downpour. Just fast & hard enough that you can\’t quite close all 7 hatches in the galley/salon area before getting pretty damp inside. The rain may last 30 seconds or 5 minutes.

David & Mary brought a lovely bottle of white Chilean wine, so it was festive. I put my striped table cloth on. It was the first time they were onboard our boat & nice to get better acquainted. They asked to see his underwater photos & videos, which we never tire of seeing ourselves. They brought a book about going through the Panama Canal. Hearing about their experience fascinated me & I wrote down the title in case we ever get that far around. They also brought me 2 avocados & 3 limes, fantastic! Food is always my favorite gift. David thanked me profusely for the tea I had shared when we went to happy hour on their boat last week. He said it is hard to find good English tea, so was very excited about it. Thanks for that Linda, it was a small pack of Crabtree & Evelyn \”Afternoon Tea\” from one of your many goody bags you brought me on all those Wednesdays…It was a fabulous 4 hour lunch with Mary & David. Every moment like salve for my soul.

Since we have not yet been to shore here we have no idea if there are any little stores. And even if there are, we only have about 25 dollars in local currency. We know there is an ATM on Nuka Hiva which will be the last of the Marquesas we will visit. Two more, between here & there.
After they left it was nearly time to think about what was for dinner. I made pasta with sauce of onion, garlic & my green tomatoes. Despite 2 weeks on the counter they were just not turning red, so I used them anyway. Besides dried Italian herbs, I\’ve discovered that crushed red pepper really perks up pasta sauce. The kind they serve at pizza parlors. After dinner we watched DVD \”Ratatouille\” which made me smile.

My nature is to be a happy person. I will find a way to adapt to this life as we go on. I will not just endure it, because it is not healthy to live in a state of tension & unease. The areas with diving opportunities will become more prevalent in the Tuamotos & beyond. The Tuamotos are the island group we will visit after the Marquesas. We will soon explore Fatu Hiva. But for now I am content to stay in & hope to manage some sleep between the bouts of turbulent weather.

Cindy at Fatu Hiva, Days #1-3

Dear F&F,
June 21-23, 2009

We paid a lot for a very sketchy log-on WiFi. Every time we can get on the internet the first thing I do is review our bank and credit card statements. Unfortunately I discovered our American Express card has been used fraudulently. Someone in Mexico made charges with our number. It is such a hassle to deal with. Even though we filled out forms authorizing our Washington state bookkeeper to be our representative they will not work with her. We had to make the calls ourselves, using precious satellite minutes. It is such a bummer that there is no Skype here. We\’ve just been lucky up till now. It is unlikely we will get it again until Tahiti, which is a couple of months away.

I have been in a fog since we arrived. I rally for a flurry of cleaning or cooking, then I\’m wiped out the rest of the day. We just got our fuel permit. Cost $80 US in order to purchase fuel at the local rate of 3.20 USD/gallon vs 6.00/gallon for foreigners – worth it!. We did our first run this afternoon: 8 x 5 gallon containers dinghied over to the fuel station on shore. Unload the empty jugs, fill, cap, load into dinghy, drive back to main boat, unload jugs onto main boat, screw on spouts, pour through filters into tanks. Scott worse than me covered in diesel. We must shower & scrub well to get rid of the stink. We need to make 2-3 more trips tomorrow. We were too tired & stinky to attend the happy hour invite onboard a fellow sailboat \”Uliad\”. We will have plenty of time to visit with them tomorrow as Kathleen contracted a driver so our 3 boats can get a tour to the other side of the island. I am looking forward to the exploration. Just hope it isn\’t too hot & sweaty & long for me. My energy is really low & I can only seem to manage to be active a couple of hours at a time. I am trying to be patient & gentle with myself to recover. I know when we move to an island where the water is clean & I can jump overboard I will feel much, much better. Not the case here. The anchorage is crowded & muddied up from the high island rain runoff. But at least I can sleep all night without night watch – what a luxury! Every time I wake up I revel in that happy thought. I have also been napping 2-3 hours like an unconscious person.

From Mexico I knew I could hop on a plane from every major port. It gave me a feeling of freedom & easy connection to my friends & family. My next fly home opportunity is Tahiti and I don\’t even know when we will get there. Between here & there are many beautiful places to see. Scott & I knew that although the Marquesas are beautiful, lush, statuesque islands they are not renown for diving which is our main interest. We toyed with the idea of skipping the Marquesas, sailing to the Gambiers from the Galapagos instead. But there is are flights out of there only once a week and with Mike onboard it seemed more prudent to come here. It is fine, we will make the most of it.

Although we left the southern border of California 18 months ago, I am struck most now by just how far away we are. I am the girl who met weekly with my best friend. Who entertained dockmates, boat workers & other friends frequently. Flew to northern California to visit my Dad & sister every other month for years. Loved to send \”snail mail\” cards for birthdays, Valentines, Thanksgiving, New Years or no reason at all. Email is good & I am grateful that we have it onboard. But it seems a thin string tying me across the world to my loved ones. I suppose it is natural that when what we are doing now is not that interesting at the least and overly burdensome at the most, that I will yearn for home.

I cannot easily go to shore by myself to just go for a walk. Or take a drive. Or do much of anything independently. I know it will be better once I can jump into clear water. That always clears my mind. I know there are fish, mantas & whales waiting. This is the life I\’ve chosen, for now. But I am not always content with it. We all have our hard days. In a 25 x 50 foot space it is sometimes easy to feel stuck & not see my way out of being \”Negative Nellie\”. Scott is great. He says: just be in a funk. It is fine. It will pass. He is right. So I try to be easy with myself & not over-process. So I read, write and know that This Too Shall Pass.

I made a yummy curry with green beans & tofu last night. This morning banana pancakes. So I am doing things. But in the heat & humidity I get wiped out easily. Scott ran the generator so we could have the air conditioner on in the worst of this afternoons\’ heat. In the cooler air conditioned afternoon I slept so sound I thought I would never wake. There is rarely any breeze in the anchorage, although frequent rain. So we are on hatch patrol all the time. Scott has been reading a lot of books since we landed. I am reading about a neighboring island we will sail to next: \”Fatu Hiva\” about Thor Heyerdahl, a Norwegian explorer here in the 1930s.

We woke up early to get to the fuel station (a 2 minute dinghy ride) at 7:00 a.m. so we could be ready for the morning tour to the Puamou Valley where the largest stone Tiki in the Marquesas resides. Turns out this Tiki was very important in Thor Heyerdahls\’ research as to why the Polynesians were probably not the first inhabitants of these islands. Of course the fuel station opened 45 minutes late, so we were a bit stressed for time after lugging our 40 gallons of fuel back to the boat. We had a long, but nice day with the crew of \”Giselle\” and \”Uliad\”. Learned a lot about the history of the island and it\’s people, got to see the final resting places of artist Paul Gaugain and French Singer/Songwriter from the 1960\’s, Jaques Brel. After our day excursion, we took on one more load of fuel and were pretty pooped. Scott had looked at the weather and said if we were going to have a chance at seeing \”Fatu Hiva\”, we\’d better go tomorrow. The trip is 45 miles, mostly UP WIND and in the trade wind seas potentially very uncomfortable. The weather for the next week after that looked worse.

Scott & Cindy

Dear F&F,
June 20, 2009

Below is an email I received from my sister, who knew it would be hard on me to not be able to visit our Dad, Bert on Father\’s Day. He is 92 and has dementia. He still knows us and lives in his own home with part time care. Alberta visited him on Father\’s Day and took me with her. It was almost as good as being there. Below is the heartwarming story I wanted to share:

I arrived at Dad\’s about 11:15 AM. He hadn\’t answered my phone call giving him a heads up I was on my way. He didn\’t answer the doorbell. I let myself in and found him lying on his side, slightly curled like a child, on his bed. I wondered, then called out. He didn\’t answer. Was this it??? I touched him. He sat up.

\”Hi Dad, Happy Father\’s Day. It\’s your darling daughter Alberta here to wish you a Happy Father\’s Day\”.

\”What do you want to do?\” he asked.

I suggested we go get some lunch in the kitchen. A smile, but tired, so tired, he said, \”I\’ve got so much to do, and not enough time, and I just need to rest some more.\” He looked so weak, fragile, precious…

I told him, \”that\’s OK Dad, you can rest some more\”.

Ed (tenant of our rental house next door) had met me at my car before I went in and told me his washer had died. I told him to bring the wet clothes over to finish. He came in, so I let Dad lay back down as I loaded the dryer.

Ed was interested in the house, so I gave him a tour. He liked the bead board siding in the porch. I showed him the family photos and he started talking about his family. I was about to show him one of Paul\’s (Berts son) books (did you know the Coast Guard has a ship called Bainbridge Island?), and there was Dad, creeping like a mouse, into the kitchen. Kinda scared me…

Ed left and I proceeded to pull the pre-made sandwich from the frig. He ate in his usual quiet, thoughtful, Zen way. I had a yogurt. Finally, I asked him, \”Whatcha thinkin\’ \’bout Dad?\”

He answered, \”I was thinking how I don\’t have many more days left of my life.\”
Whoa. I wasn\’t prepared for that one. Not missing a step I asked, \”Well, does that make you sad, or is it OK with you?\”
\”It makes me sad\”.
Silence…

I told him at least he was healthy and not in a rest home like Uncle Merrill, and that he was loved and well cared for, and that he had a long and full life.
He nodded.

After that I found Paul\’s new photo book in the office and had him open the card, then the book. It was so funny…he saw the book and I said \”It\’s another book from Paul, want to look inside?\”
\”No, I\’ve looked at it a lot of times already.\”
I got a kick out of it. Inner giggle. Sorry Paul, I can\’t call & tell you Dad really liked the book. He cannot distinguish one from another. Oh well. Getting old gives one certain privileges I guess, like not being polite!

I talked him in to going for a walk. He already had his day-glo vest on. Leslee (his care provider) says she always has him wear it, even over his PJ\’s, just in case he goes on any more midnight walks. She\’s a clever one.

We get outside and use the walker. I notice several places where the cement drops off dramatically to the driveway gravel or dirt. Note to self-call Gabriel and have his guys fill those spots. I totally forget to grab a trash bag, so each and every time we come across something, he goes to get it, and I have to remind him I forgot the bag. Oh well…It\’s a beautiful breezing, warm not hot day. I am at peace walking with my Dad. I notice that now that he holds onto the walker, he doesn\’t always stop and wave to the cars. I did the waving for him. It felt good. I pictured you walking with us. You would have been very happy. We made it to the bridge. He had to stop and rest, catch his breath a couple times. I felt like I had all the time in the world. There wasn\’t one impatient bone in my body. Things were good just as they were.

Coming back, there was a large pizza box that just couldn\’t be left. I put it on the seat of the walker and we proceeded to fill it up with a few bits and pieces. I watched him bend down, holding one hand on the walker. He\’s still quite agile ,and I was glad to see he didn\’t look to me to pick the stuff up. About halfway back, there was a gust of wind and it blew the box off the seat and I chased after everything and got it back on the seat. We had a good laugh.

Once back inside he headed for his chair. Ed came to get his laundry and we discussed the new washer I\’d be buying and when it could be delivered. I called Manuel this morning, he remembered me and said he\’d give me his best $200 machine. I will mail the check and he will deliver it, hook it up and take away the old one Wednesday. No brainer.

Dad was resting in the brown chair in the kitchen, when I noticed his nails needed cutting. I thought of how you would have done that, so I did it. For you, for him. He winced every time I used the clippers whether I \”got him\” or not. It was sweet. Then I filed them. I never noticed what lovely long fingers he has. His hands are dark like an Indian\’s – red brown, spotted, veined, I
took it all in. \”This may be the last time I notice his warm hands\” I pondered. (They were warm). Then I took some lotion and rubbed them. He let his eyes close. I think he likes this part.

I did a couple things, wrote a note to Leslee, washed the couple dishes (he only ate half of a sandwich and was \”full\”).

Then I wrote a note saying what a nice visit we had and had him read it out loud to me. He still reads very well. Slow, but can totally determine what the words on the page are.

I sat and faced him, like you and I did that last time you were here. I told him \”Dad, there\’s no more for you to do. You don\’t have to worry about anything anymore. You get to relax. You\’ve had a long
life, and you are happy. It\’s OK anytime you want to go to Heaven and see Mom and all your brothers and sisters who\’ve already died. That would be just fine.\”

He got one of his quirky smiles on his face and replied \”Well, that\’s a positive perspective!\”
I told him he was the one who taught me to have a positive outlook. He just smiled.

I kissed him on the forehead. For you, For me. And let myself out.
I love you sweetie, thanks for bringing my Dad back into my life.

Alberta
Received June 23, while anchored at Hiva Oa

Dear F&F,
June 19-20, 2009

June 19
We got all checked in with the Gendarme today. It was rather anti-climactic after the reams of forms & documents we had to submit with French translations (merci beaucoup to Clark & Vincent in Paris!). As it turned out, our timing was impeccable. We turned in our application for the long stay visa to the San Francisco French consulate office 9 months ago. Six months ago my sister emailed us that she had received a phone call that our visas were ready. She confirmed with them that we could as long as another 3 months to pick them up. March 18 Alberta drove me to the consulate office in SF to collect them. The agent kindly wrote the latest date we could check in as June 30, instead of the standard 3 month maximum June 18th. We made landfall to French Polynesia on June 17th! Is Scott good at planning or what?!!!

Mike got his exit papers from the Gendarme just in time to catch a ride up to the airport. Bon voyage & many thanks to our trusty crew & baker. Without Mike aboard, I bought another baguette. No bread making necessary here. I also got some oranges, 2 green mangos and was told that pamplemousse (grapefruit) will be for sale tomorrow. There are 4 or 5 different markets. Mostly they each have the same exact stuff since the cargo ship just came yesterday. I think we can live a long time on bread & cheese & fruit.

There is a music festival this afternoon & I would love to go but Scott has crashed into low energy & I\’m not sure I can get him to take me ashore again. It is a 2 mile walk into town & rather hot & humid (raining on and off) so I am not keen to go alone. There is a breeze at least today, yesterday none, very sweaty.

\”Giselle\” arrived and invited the crew of \”Uliad\” & us onboard for happy hour. I made sure to take salami & breadsticks so there would be something besides alcohol in our stomachs. Also served were olives, carrot sticks & cashews. We were the 3 boats that kept in close radio touch throughout the passage from the Galapagos. The \”Giselle\” couple, David is British and Mary from Scotland are delightful. \”Ulliad\’s\” crew; Stephen is a family practice physician originally from Minnesota. Kathleen is a social worker originally from San Diego, and 9 year old son Emmet is a sweet boy. We swapped stories & got to know each other during the social 3 hours.

June 20
Scott gave us 3 ladies a ride to the beach today and we walk the 2 miles into the village. Mary & Kathleen (of sailboats \”Giselle\” & \”Uliad\” respectively) had heard there was a produce market on Saturdays at 8:00 a.m. in the park. It turned out after the long trek that it was the same lady selling lettuce, green beans & cucumbers out of the back of her truck as yesterday. Nothing special or new. But having made the trek, I was determined not to return with empty shopping bags, so went to the 3 main markets & picked up some frozen shrimp, brie, peach yogurt, 4 liters of lowfat milk (rare to find anything but whole milk), some still hot eggrolls & some kind of yummy chocolate chip pastry twist. The 3 of us ladies sat in the park & listened to a singing group. Once the man with the bible got up to the microphone to speak I figured it must be an Seventh Day Adventist church group, although I never confirmed this. No one but us were watching or listening in the park at 10:00 a.m. The entire congregation was up on the small stage & the singing in their native language was lovely, but we lost interest when he started preaching in completely incomprehensible Marquesian.

It was a genuine \”death march\” on the way back. I asked the checker at the last store in town if she would call us a taxi. There is a posted sign at the tourist center with 8 taxi drivers phone numbers. She simply said no & ignored me. Hitch hiking was fruitless. So we walked the entire 2 1/2 miles back, now in the heat of the day & me with very heavy shopping bags.

I was in a sorry state by the time we radioed David to pick us up for the dinghy ride from shore to our boats. Scott meanwhile had been a twirling dervish of cleaning. Just getting the salt off the boat is a major feat after being at sea. He had done laundry & hung it. Cleaned windows, floors, dishes & was eager to take my command to clear out the \”man smell\” of the guest cabin & bathroom. Bless him! I rallied enough from my heat exhaustion to take advantage of his energy. Providing him with clean buckets of water. Vinyl cleaner. Toilet cleaner. Window cleaner. Clean rags. Rinse bucket. Repeat.

A group of 5 fellow cruisers went to shore for more music in town tonight, but this time I was the one that wimped. The event started at 8:00 p.m. which may as well be midnight as far as I am concerned. I am just too tired & love to be in bed by 9:00 p.m. at the latest, since I can never sleep past the 6:00 a.m. sunrise. That is why we got the long stay visa for French Polynesia. I trust this is not our only chance to hear native music & see native dancing.

There is so much work to be done on the boat. The mildew has become an epic problem & seems insurmountable in the tropics. I had energy yesterday when Scott was in full collapse, so I fresh water rinsed & vinegar treated all our safety gear & hung it to dry today. It is just one small locker of the many, many lockers on the boat. But it is critical gear that can become useless if the latches freeze up from rust or the fabric rots from mildew. Thankfully so far Scott & I have been able to support each other and not both feel down at the same time.

I am nowhere near recovered from the passage. The amount of work we need to do onboard yet is daunting. All the portlights (low opening windows along the hull sides) leak sea water. The escape hatches under each set of stairs also leak sea water when we pound into the waves. I have complained about seeing the water damage to the wood paneling around all the portlights for a long time. But after Mike reported that he got a full dose of a wave on his head inside the guest cabin it really drove home the need for an upgrade. I regret that we did not do this already from Los Angeles, San Diego or Mexico. We will replace what is necessary, hopefully in Tahiti or at the latest New Zealand. It is unfortunate to pour more money in, but this is our home & we must do all we can to keep her afloat. We must keep maintaining and improving \”Beach House\” to keep her sea worthy as well as wife-approved. I do not know yet if the Wet Blanket syndrome has been resolved. I try to only eat one bite of elephant at a time.

We must wait until Monday to get our fuel permit. There are no docks. We are at anchor. We must dinghy to shore & will have to schlep 170 gallons diesel via 5 gal jugs. It is back breaking, stinky, sweaty work & will take us 2-3 days to load all that we need. Then we can move on to some of the more remote islands that will have clean water for swimming & diving.

Skye emailed the sad news that her last grandparent – Anne Nelson \”ATG\”, Annie the Granny has passed away. We called Skye via satellite phone. The connection was poor and the brief exchange seemed so inadequate. The reality of how far away we are hits me hard and we long to flee to her. She misses us but is strong and handling all that the death of this matriarch entails. She misses Anne but is glad she is no longer suffering. Skye wrote a beautiful obituary that we will post separately. Despite the fact that Scott was the ex-son-in-law, Anne never stopped treating him as family. When he and I married she embraced me as well. That was an honor and privilege that I valued. She sent Scott and me birthday, father\’s day & mother\’s day cards without fail. We were always invited to Gaye & Skye\’s joint birthday parties (June 9 & 10).

Receiving this news gets me to thinking of when I will receive an email from sister Alberta that our now 92 year old father is gone. How will I feel? Where will I be? What will I do? As a wise Chinese acupuncturist once told me, \”Best not to think about it\”. So I breathe and try to stay in the moment.

Cindy
Hiva Oa, Day #3

Dear F&F,
June 15, 2009

I got several great responses to my raw & low-down email sent to my shoreside support group. I am blessed to have so many wonderful friends & loving family. Hearing how much people are with me in spirit really helps me feel connected & not go completely round the bend.

Sister Maria\’s sweet reply to my Low Down day:
\”Being at sea must truly connect you with the deepest parts of yourself, the good, the icky, the scary, the brave. What an opportunity to be free from all other distractions and plumb the depths of your being. Of course, that wasn\’t your intention, for that usually people sign up to sit on a cushion in a dark room with incense burning.

Fortunately, it sounds as if you dip in and out of those places and are still surrounded by love, good food, capable men. Parts of this experience will be lots better in the telling than the living I am
sure, as many of our grueling life experiences are. May you enjoy the ups and dig into the downs in a way that continues to feed your soul.

For an earth sign like you, who loves creature comforts as much as I do, this is a super stretch. But, you have always been good at stretches (of your soul as well as yoga). I am sure Scott is grateful to and proud of you. And you can be proud of yourself. Hang in there, I hear land is just days away.\”

Friend Linda had this suggestion:
\”I have something you may be able to use the next time you \’bottom out\’. Begin to sing, \”Nobody knows the trouble I\’ve seen, Nobody knows my sorrow. Nobody knows the trouble I\’ve seen, it\’s such a (sad, horrid, rotten, stinky, lousy, miserable, stupid, annoying – choose one or all) tomorrow.\”
Sing loudly, slump over, sing sadly, Feel the words, feel your misery, sing with feeling! But sing out! Don\’t stop until you begin to smile and I guarantee you WILL begin to smile. Keep singing until you feel the smile all over. This is one of my favorite things to do when self-pity takes over. Self pity is where I can really shine! But a quick reminder of how silly my \”sorrows\” are and things come back into a better perspective. Yeah, there are lots of things to gripe about, but being retired and taking care of a herd of cats (or, as in your case, sailing away) aren\’t the worst things in this world. Annoying stuff to be sure. Unpleasant, uncomfortable, demanding, achy, (you think of some) but life threatening? No. Life altering? Perhaps. Reason to pitch it all in? No. Reason to gripe? You Bet! So, next time Mr. Misery comes to call, wallow for a bit and then begin to sing, \”Nobody knows the trouble I\’ve seen . . .\” and remember, this was an old slave song. Now THEY had troubles.
Heck, you can be miserable anywhere! Why not while being seasick, diesel sick, motion fatigued and sick and tired of tedious adjustments of sail and gizmos? Besides, did you expect this to be a \’thrill a minute\’ adventure, one endless round of joyful cavorting with dolphins, a daily round of glorious sunrises and sunsets?\”

And here is what friend Lori wrote to cheer me up:
2007 – Chinese year of the Chicken – Bird Flu Pandemic devastates parts of Asia
2008 – Chinese year of the Horse – Equine Influenza decimates Australian racing
2009 – Chinese year of the Pig – Swine Flu Pandemic kills hundreds of pigs/humans around the globe.
Next year 2010 – Chinese year of the Cock – God help us all…
ASIDE FROM SCOTT: This is pure Cindy!
Keep em\’ coming,
Cindy

Dear F&F,
Galapagos to Marquesas Passage

Flying Fish
Scott describes flying fish as the \”flies of the sea\”. That seems appropriate. The first few days we had them non-stop. We still see them frequently. Out here they are about 6-8 inches long with a 6-8 inch wing span. A whole flock will rise up out of the ocean & flap away. Evolution before our eyes. Some unfortunately flap right onboard. We try to throw them back while they are still alive. We miss the ones on the bows at night. In the morning we walk the decks to toss over the stiff bodies. Mike said that on super fast race boats the crew need to wear helmets since a flying fish in the face could put your eye out! Most of them fly away from us & don\’t land onboard so are fun to watch. Mostly bones & wings, but something must eat them since they are so plentiful; surely they are near the bottom of the fish food chain. They smell awful!

Squid
We had a lot of squid jumping onboard early in the trip. They are most active at night & a little trickier to get a hold of while flopping around. They are squishy and spray black ink. We have some stains on the teak that I hope will come out with Oxyclean or bleach. Scott got \”squidded\” in the shoulder on his watch. I don\’t handle any creatures without my bilge gloves on. If you don\’t get them off the boat it smells like fish emulsion fertilizer in the morning. I\’ve stepped on one in the dark (shoes on thank God!) and it took me the longest time to figure out where the heck the stink was coming from. I was tramping squid guts around the deck. Oh joy.

Birds
We haven\’t seen many the past few days. We are really, really far away from land in both directions. At our farthest we will were 1500 miles from the nearest piece of land. Early on we had booby birds swirling around us. Also occasional smaller tern type birds. When the sea is calm, some really small birds are seen just sitting on the water until we come up & disturb them. Then they fly away & re-settle again beyond our path.

Whales
Mike had one full daytime watch surrounded by whales in every direction. Scott & I came up to enjoy the spectacle for a few hours. Amazing. I had never seen so many spouts at one time. Fantastic. Rare distant spouts since then, but not a whole school. Either Minke or Humpbacks, we weren\’t sure. Our new friends sailing a bit behind us, David and Mary on \”Giselle\” said they saw several Minke Whales as well.

Dolphins
Mike reported a night shift with dolphin companions. It was when we were motoring. We use only one engine to conserve fuel, so don\’t go fast enough to be fun for dolphins very long. I am surprised we have not seen more out here.

Mola Mola (Ocean Sun Fish)
Early in the trip, we were all 3 out in the cockpit when we heard a thump then saw a fairly large fin off the right rear corner of the boat. Mike recognized it as a Mola Mola. Scott & I have seen them diving. They are slow movers & often asleep. I hope we didn\’t hurt it. Neither the starboard daggerboard (which lifted a few feet) or the Mola Mola seemed worse for wear.

Baby Whale Shark
I was inside, but the guys said the shape was unmistakable. A whitish gray and about 10 feet long.

I think that about covers it. There are no bugs. The temperature has been lovely: mid 80s day, upper 70s night. We have had a brief drizzle as we sail under a cloud, but otherwise no significant rain. The full moon has been great company on the night watches. During the day, the sky is baby blue with soft puffy clouds. Like wallpaper you\’d put in a nursery. We are literally sailing into the sunset as our course is almost due west.

Scott & Cindy

Dear F&F,
June 14, 2009

When I took over for Mike at midnight we had good wind strength from a good direction & it was fairly easy to fly the spinnaker. Those lovely conditions lasted for 1 hour of my 4 hour watch. At hour 2 the wind dwindles to below spinnaker flying parameters. I should have gone & woken up Scott to help me lower the sails & start motoring. But I wanted to let the Captain get his beauty rest. Plus I kept hoping & wishing & waiting for the wind to freshen again. It never did. We had gibed yesterday to head more north where the weather reports say there is more wind. On starboard gibe (wind coming over my right side) I had to sail really high to keep any shape to the spinnaker at all. So I limped along the rest of my shift trying to make the tablecloth behave and the boat as quiet as possible for the sleeping crew. I was making 4 knots VMG (speed in the direction we want to go), so it\’s not like I was taking us backwards. As expected, when Scott got up to relieve me, we furled both the chute & the main & motored towards the barn.

I slept pretty well from 4:30-6:30 a.m. I awoke to being rained on. Scott was clueless with the headset on with his morning net, the interior of the boat getting soaked from all open hatches. We did the Chinese fire drill & I crawled back to my cave. The rain only lasted 5 minutes. With the help of 4 Calms Forte (homeopathic sleep aid), I was able to drift off again & woke up hungry at 10:15 a.m.

I decided to make quinoa for breakfast. Alberta had told me in no uncertain terms that it MUST BE RINSED before cooking. She said it was bad for you if you don\’t. Well, heck I just didn\’t imagine I\’d be eating enough quinoa from my one small package to make a hoot of difference. I figured it was some Sonoma County organic-minded warning & doubted the Costa Ricans (where it was purchased) washed their quinoa before cooking it. She had told me it was 1 part grain to 2 parts water, which is the same as rice, so I decided to try it in the pressure cooker. Nine minutes later it appeared just right, maybe a bit less yellow & more brown than what I\’d had at Alberta\’s house. I took a big spoonful of the steaming grain & crunched down on DIRT! You have to wash the quinoa because it is loaded with DIRT!!! Yuck. Just like unwashed spinach. Gritty, sandy, even a few pebbles. I pulled out my frying pan splatter cover which is the closest thing to a fine mesh strainer I have. I thought perhaps I could wash it after the fact. No bueno. I don\’t know how the heck one ever gets all the dirt out of quinoa. I just laughed. I laughed so hard at myself I couldn\’t stop giggling. I tossed the whole mess overboard for King Neptune to enjoy. It was worth the exercise just for the entertainment value. A mesh strainer is now on my shopping list. But it will take a lot of careful washing. How do you get rid of the big chunks of dirt & pebbles? Praise be to David & Alberta for cooking up dirt-free & perfect quinoa for breakfast many days a week. We have enough oatmeal & eggs so will continue serving the usual breakfast fare.

I still had to eat something, so I scrambled a couple eggs & re-toasted already cooked bacon. Burned the bacon a bit. Just not my day for the galley… Mike was still motoring his whole watch but shortly after I took over the wind piped up. From a good direction. So we hoisted the main & spinnaker & had a glorious 30 minutes of sailing. I was doomed the minute I put on sunscreen. It was the first day I\’d put it on. But it was overcast & I knew the sun angle was not yet shading me under the bimini, so I put on long light pants & screened my face, neck & arms. Sure enough, it starts to rain. Not the 5 minutes of drizzle we\’ve had a couple times before, it is really raining. Nice change but at the same time the wind goes wonky. We motor a while. Then I think the wind is strong enough to at least fly the genoa. Scott helps me pull that out. But the wind is too light & I\’m having to point too high & the boat is really rocking & rolling in the beam sea. We drive ourselves crazy sailing slow in the wrong direction for another hour, then start the motor again.

We passed a big milestone on my watch: 499 miles to go & counting down. To celebrate I brought out the hidden Magnum bars. They are every bit as good as Haagen Dazs, dark chocolate outside & rich vanilla ice cream inside. I also made another batch of yogurt. I hope it turns out alright. The temperature was right, but I didn\’t blend in my starter in well enough. Have to find a good way to make sure it is thoroughly mixed.

We turned on the radar to watch the rain squalls. It is still raining lightly & completely overcast. Scott could not hear the other 2 boats in our neck of the woods at the scheduled radio check in time. So we don\’t know what kind of weather they have. It is helpful to hear their reports since one boat is behind us to the north of us & the other behind us to the south (where our \”new\” wind will come from).

We have 2 loads of wet laundry draped inside the house since we can\’t hang it outside. I\’ll be off watch from 4:00-8:00 p.m. so put out a can of beans & can of corn for the boys to heat up with some tortillas. Mike told me the guest room \”pantry\” was smelling a bit ripe. Upon investigation I found 3 potatoes that had gone mush. I plan to cook the rest tomorrow. Thank you Maria for reminding me that tomatoes need sun to turn red. I have 4 green ones out on the counter now. We\’ll see. Last night\’s garlic shrimp, broccoli & rice was a big hit & the guys enjoyed the leftovers for lunch.

Despite the squalls, fluky wind & lumpy seas I am happy today. Wouldn\’t you know that just as we get there I am finally getting the hang of this offshore passage business! I think the 5 hours sleep I had really helped my disposition. I am staying on top of the seasickness by wearing the half patch & a bit of stugeron 45 minutes before doing email. I sure hope our diesel holds up as much as we may need to still motor.

Cindy at Sea
Day #15