Category: Ship’s Log

Dear F&F,
June 20, 2009

Below is an email I received from my sister, who knew it would be hard on me to not be able to visit our Dad, Bert on Father\’s Day. He is 92 and has dementia. He still knows us and lives in his own home with part time care. Alberta visited him on Father\’s Day and took me with her. It was almost as good as being there. Below is the heartwarming story I wanted to share:

I arrived at Dad\’s about 11:15 AM. He hadn\’t answered my phone call giving him a heads up I was on my way. He didn\’t answer the doorbell. I let myself in and found him lying on his side, slightly curled like a child, on his bed. I wondered, then called out. He didn\’t answer. Was this it??? I touched him. He sat up.

\”Hi Dad, Happy Father\’s Day. It\’s your darling daughter Alberta here to wish you a Happy Father\’s Day\”.

\”What do you want to do?\” he asked.

I suggested we go get some lunch in the kitchen. A smile, but tired, so tired, he said, \”I\’ve got so much to do, and not enough time, and I just need to rest some more.\” He looked so weak, fragile, precious…

I told him, \”that\’s OK Dad, you can rest some more\”.

Ed (tenant of our rental house next door) had met me at my car before I went in and told me his washer had died. I told him to bring the wet clothes over to finish. He came in, so I let Dad lay back down as I loaded the dryer.

Ed was interested in the house, so I gave him a tour. He liked the bead board siding in the porch. I showed him the family photos and he started talking about his family. I was about to show him one of Paul\’s (Berts son) books (did you know the Coast Guard has a ship called Bainbridge Island?), and there was Dad, creeping like a mouse, into the kitchen. Kinda scared me…

Ed left and I proceeded to pull the pre-made sandwich from the frig. He ate in his usual quiet, thoughtful, Zen way. I had a yogurt. Finally, I asked him, \”Whatcha thinkin\’ \’bout Dad?\”

He answered, \”I was thinking how I don\’t have many more days left of my life.\”
Whoa. I wasn\’t prepared for that one. Not missing a step I asked, \”Well, does that make you sad, or is it OK with you?\”
\”It makes me sad\”.
Silence…

I told him at least he was healthy and not in a rest home like Uncle Merrill, and that he was loved and well cared for, and that he had a long and full life.
He nodded.

After that I found Paul\’s new photo book in the office and had him open the card, then the book. It was so funny…he saw the book and I said \”It\’s another book from Paul, want to look inside?\”
\”No, I\’ve looked at it a lot of times already.\”
I got a kick out of it. Inner giggle. Sorry Paul, I can\’t call & tell you Dad really liked the book. He cannot distinguish one from another. Oh well. Getting old gives one certain privileges I guess, like not being polite!

I talked him in to going for a walk. He already had his day-glo vest on. Leslee (his care provider) says she always has him wear it, even over his PJ\’s, just in case he goes on any more midnight walks. She\’s a clever one.

We get outside and use the walker. I notice several places where the cement drops off dramatically to the driveway gravel or dirt. Note to self-call Gabriel and have his guys fill those spots. I totally forget to grab a trash bag, so each and every time we come across something, he goes to get it, and I have to remind him I forgot the bag. Oh well…It\’s a beautiful breezing, warm not hot day. I am at peace walking with my Dad. I notice that now that he holds onto the walker, he doesn\’t always stop and wave to the cars. I did the waving for him. It felt good. I pictured you walking with us. You would have been very happy. We made it to the bridge. He had to stop and rest, catch his breath a couple times. I felt like I had all the time in the world. There wasn\’t one impatient bone in my body. Things were good just as they were.

Coming back, there was a large pizza box that just couldn\’t be left. I put it on the seat of the walker and we proceeded to fill it up with a few bits and pieces. I watched him bend down, holding one hand on the walker. He\’s still quite agile ,and I was glad to see he didn\’t look to me to pick the stuff up. About halfway back, there was a gust of wind and it blew the box off the seat and I chased after everything and got it back on the seat. We had a good laugh.

Once back inside he headed for his chair. Ed came to get his laundry and we discussed the new washer I\’d be buying and when it could be delivered. I called Manuel this morning, he remembered me and said he\’d give me his best $200 machine. I will mail the check and he will deliver it, hook it up and take away the old one Wednesday. No brainer.

Dad was resting in the brown chair in the kitchen, when I noticed his nails needed cutting. I thought of how you would have done that, so I did it. For you, for him. He winced every time I used the clippers whether I \”got him\” or not. It was sweet. Then I filed them. I never noticed what lovely long fingers he has. His hands are dark like an Indian\’s – red brown, spotted, veined, I
took it all in. \”This may be the last time I notice his warm hands\” I pondered. (They were warm). Then I took some lotion and rubbed them. He let his eyes close. I think he likes this part.

I did a couple things, wrote a note to Leslee, washed the couple dishes (he only ate half of a sandwich and was \”full\”).

Then I wrote a note saying what a nice visit we had and had him read it out loud to me. He still reads very well. Slow, but can totally determine what the words on the page are.

I sat and faced him, like you and I did that last time you were here. I told him \”Dad, there\’s no more for you to do. You don\’t have to worry about anything anymore. You get to relax. You\’ve had a long
life, and you are happy. It\’s OK anytime you want to go to Heaven and see Mom and all your brothers and sisters who\’ve already died. That would be just fine.\”

He got one of his quirky smiles on his face and replied \”Well, that\’s a positive perspective!\”
I told him he was the one who taught me to have a positive outlook. He just smiled.

I kissed him on the forehead. For you, For me. And let myself out.
I love you sweetie, thanks for bringing my Dad back into my life.

Alberta
Received June 23, while anchored at Hiva Oa

Dear F&F,
June 20, 2009

Below is an email I received from my sister, who knew it would be hard on me to not be able to visit our Dad, Bert on Father\’s Day. He is 92 and has dementia. He still knows us and lives in his own home with part time care. Alberta visited him on Father\’s Day and took me with her. It was almost as good as being there. Below is the heartwarming story I wanted to share:

I arrived at Dad\’s about 11:15 AM. He hadn\’t answered my phone call giving him a heads up I was on my way. He didn\’t answer the doorbell. I let myself in and found him lying on his side, slightly curled like a child, on his bed. I wondered, then called out. He didn\’t answer. Was this it??? I touched him. He sat up.

\”Hi Dad, Happy Father\’s Day. It\’s your darling daughter Alberta here to wish you a Happy Father\’s Day\”.

\”What do you want to do?\” he asked.

I suggested we go get some lunch in the kitchen. A smile, but tired, so tired, he said, \”I\’ve got so much to do, and not enough time, and I just need to rest some more.\” He looked so weak, fragile, precious…

I told him, \”that\’s OK Dad, you can rest some more\”.

Ed (tenant of our rental house next door) had met me at my car before I went in and told me his washer had died. I told him to bring the wet clothes over to finish. He came in, so I let Dad lay back down as I loaded the dryer.

Ed was interested in the house, so I gave him a tour. He liked the bead board siding in the porch. I showed him the family photos and he started talking about his family. I was about to show him one of Paul\’s (Berts son) books (did you know the Coast Guard has a ship called Bainbridge Island?), and there was Dad, creeping like a mouse, into the kitchen. Kinda scared me…

Ed left and I proceeded to pull the pre-made sandwich from the frig. He ate in his usual quiet, thoughtful, Zen way. I had a yogurt. Finally, I asked him, \”Whatcha thinkin\’ \’bout Dad?\”

He answered, \”I was thinking how I don\’t have many more days left of my life.\”
Whoa. I wasn\’t prepared for that one. Not missing a step I asked, \”Well, does that make you sad, or is it OK with you?\”
\”It makes me sad\”.
Silence…

I told him at least he was healthy and not in a rest home like Uncle Merrill, and that he was loved and well cared for, and that he had a long and full life.
He nodded.

After that I found Paul\’s new photo book in the office and had him open the card, then the book. It was so funny…he saw the book and I said \”It\’s another book from Paul, want to look inside?\”
\”No, I\’ve looked at it a lot of times already.\”
I got a kick out of it. Inner giggle. Sorry Paul, I can\’t call & tell you Dad really liked the book. He cannot distinguish one from another. Oh well. Getting old gives one certain privileges I guess, like not being polite!

I talked him in to going for a walk. He already had his day-glo vest on. Leslee (his care provider) says she always has him wear it, even over his PJ\’s, just in case he goes on any more midnight walks. She\’s a clever one.

We get outside and use the walker. I notice several places where the cement drops off dramatically to the driveway gravel or dirt. Note to self-call Gabriel and have his guys fill those spots. I totally forget to grab a trash bag, so each and every time we come across something, he goes to get it, and I have to remind him I forgot the bag. Oh well…It\’s a beautiful breezing, warm not hot day. I am at peace walking with my Dad. I notice that now that he holds onto the walker, he doesn\’t always stop and wave to the cars. I did the waving for him. It felt good. I pictured you walking with us. You would have been very happy. We made it to the bridge. He had to stop and rest, catch his breath a couple times. I felt like I had all the time in the world. There wasn\’t one impatient bone in my body. Things were good just as they were.

Coming back, there was a large pizza box that just couldn\’t be left. I put it on the seat of the walker and we proceeded to fill it up with a few bits and pieces. I watched him bend down, holding one hand on the walker. He\’s still quite agile ,and I was glad to see he didn\’t look to me to pick the stuff up. About halfway back, there was a gust of wind and it blew the box off the seat and I chased after everything and got it back on the seat. We had a good laugh.

Once back inside he headed for his chair. Ed came to get his laundry and we discussed the new washer I\’d be buying and when it could be delivered. I called Manuel this morning, he remembered me and said he\’d give me his best $200 machine. I will mail the check and he will deliver it, hook it up and take away the old one Wednesday. No brainer.

Dad was resting in the brown chair in the kitchen, when I noticed his nails needed cutting. I thought of how you would have done that, so I did it. For you, for him. He winced every time I used the clippers whether I \”got him\” or not. It was sweet. Then I filed them. I never noticed what lovely long fingers he has. His hands are dark like an Indian\’s – red brown, spotted, veined, I
took it all in. \”This may be the last time I notice his warm hands\” I pondered. (They were warm). Then I took some lotion and rubbed them. He let his eyes close. I think he likes this part.

I did a couple things, wrote a note to Leslee, washed the couple dishes (he only ate half of a sandwich and was \”full\”).

Then I wrote a note saying what a nice visit we had and had him read it out loud to me. He still reads very well. Slow, but can totally determine what the words on the page are.

I sat and faced him, like you and I did that last time you were here. I told him \”Dad, there\’s no more for you to do. You don\’t have to worry about anything anymore. You get to relax. You\’ve had a long
life, and you are happy. It\’s OK anytime you want to go to Heaven and see Mom and all your brothers and sisters who\’ve already died. That would be just fine.\”

He got one of his quirky smiles on his face and replied \”Well, that\’s a positive perspective!\”
I told him he was the one who taught me to have a positive outlook. He just smiled.

I kissed him on the forehead. For you, For me. And let myself out.
I love you sweetie, thanks for bringing my Dad back into my life.

Alberta
Received June 23, while anchored at Hiva Oa

Dear F&F,
June 19-20, 2009

June 19
We got all checked in with the Gendarme today. It was rather anti-climactic after the reams of forms & documents we had to submit with French translations (merci beaucoup to Clark & Vincent in Paris!). As it turned out, our timing was impeccable. We turned in our application for the long stay visa to the San Francisco French consulate office 9 months ago. Six months ago my sister emailed us that she had received a phone call that our visas were ready. She confirmed with them that we could as long as another 3 months to pick them up. March 18 Alberta drove me to the consulate office in SF to collect them. The agent kindly wrote the latest date we could check in as June 30, instead of the standard 3 month maximum June 18th. We made landfall to French Polynesia on June 17th! Is Scott good at planning or what?!!!

Mike got his exit papers from the Gendarme just in time to catch a ride up to the airport. Bon voyage & many thanks to our trusty crew & baker. Without Mike aboard, I bought another baguette. No bread making necessary here. I also got some oranges, 2 green mangos and was told that pamplemousse (grapefruit) will be for sale tomorrow. There are 4 or 5 different markets. Mostly they each have the same exact stuff since the cargo ship just came yesterday. I think we can live a long time on bread & cheese & fruit.

There is a music festival this afternoon & I would love to go but Scott has crashed into low energy & I\’m not sure I can get him to take me ashore again. It is a 2 mile walk into town & rather hot & humid (raining on and off) so I am not keen to go alone. There is a breeze at least today, yesterday none, very sweaty.

\”Giselle\” arrived and invited the crew of \”Uliad\” & us onboard for happy hour. I made sure to take salami & breadsticks so there would be something besides alcohol in our stomachs. Also served were olives, carrot sticks & cashews. We were the 3 boats that kept in close radio touch throughout the passage from the Galapagos. The \”Giselle\” couple, David is British and Mary from Scotland are delightful. \”Ulliad\’s\” crew; Stephen is a family practice physician originally from Minnesota. Kathleen is a social worker originally from San Diego, and 9 year old son Emmet is a sweet boy. We swapped stories & got to know each other during the social 3 hours.

June 20
Scott gave us 3 ladies a ride to the beach today and we walk the 2 miles into the village. Mary & Kathleen (of sailboats \”Giselle\” & \”Uliad\” respectively) had heard there was a produce market on Saturdays at 8:00 a.m. in the park. It turned out after the long trek that it was the same lady selling lettuce, green beans & cucumbers out of the back of her truck as yesterday. Nothing special or new. But having made the trek, I was determined not to return with empty shopping bags, so went to the 3 main markets & picked up some frozen shrimp, brie, peach yogurt, 4 liters of lowfat milk (rare to find anything but whole milk), some still hot eggrolls & some kind of yummy chocolate chip pastry twist. The 3 of us ladies sat in the park & listened to a singing group. Once the man with the bible got up to the microphone to speak I figured it must be an Seventh Day Adventist church group, although I never confirmed this. No one but us were watching or listening in the park at 10:00 a.m. The entire congregation was up on the small stage & the singing in their native language was lovely, but we lost interest when he started preaching in completely incomprehensible Marquesian.

It was a genuine \”death march\” on the way back. I asked the checker at the last store in town if she would call us a taxi. There is a posted sign at the tourist center with 8 taxi drivers phone numbers. She simply said no & ignored me. Hitch hiking was fruitless. So we walked the entire 2 1/2 miles back, now in the heat of the day & me with very heavy shopping bags.

I was in a sorry state by the time we radioed David to pick us up for the dinghy ride from shore to our boats. Scott meanwhile had been a twirling dervish of cleaning. Just getting the salt off the boat is a major feat after being at sea. He had done laundry & hung it. Cleaned windows, floors, dishes & was eager to take my command to clear out the \”man smell\” of the guest cabin & bathroom. Bless him! I rallied enough from my heat exhaustion to take advantage of his energy. Providing him with clean buckets of water. Vinyl cleaner. Toilet cleaner. Window cleaner. Clean rags. Rinse bucket. Repeat.

A group of 5 fellow cruisers went to shore for more music in town tonight, but this time I was the one that wimped. The event started at 8:00 p.m. which may as well be midnight as far as I am concerned. I am just too tired & love to be in bed by 9:00 p.m. at the latest, since I can never sleep past the 6:00 a.m. sunrise. That is why we got the long stay visa for French Polynesia. I trust this is not our only chance to hear native music & see native dancing.

There is so much work to be done on the boat. The mildew has become an epic problem & seems insurmountable in the tropics. I had energy yesterday when Scott was in full collapse, so I fresh water rinsed & vinegar treated all our safety gear & hung it to dry today. It is just one small locker of the many, many lockers on the boat. But it is critical gear that can become useless if the latches freeze up from rust or the fabric rots from mildew. Thankfully so far Scott & I have been able to support each other and not both feel down at the same time.

I am nowhere near recovered from the passage. The amount of work we need to do onboard yet is daunting. All the portlights (low opening windows along the hull sides) leak sea water. The escape hatches under each set of stairs also leak sea water when we pound into the waves. I have complained about seeing the water damage to the wood paneling around all the portlights for a long time. But after Mike reported that he got a full dose of a wave on his head inside the guest cabin it really drove home the need for an upgrade. I regret that we did not do this already from Los Angeles, San Diego or Mexico. We will replace what is necessary, hopefully in Tahiti or at the latest New Zealand. It is unfortunate to pour more money in, but this is our home & we must do all we can to keep her afloat. We must keep maintaining and improving \”Beach House\” to keep her sea worthy as well as wife-approved. I do not know yet if the Wet Blanket syndrome has been resolved. I try to only eat one bite of elephant at a time.

We must wait until Monday to get our fuel permit. There are no docks. We are at anchor. We must dinghy to shore & will have to schlep 170 gallons diesel via 5 gal jugs. It is back breaking, stinky, sweaty work & will take us 2-3 days to load all that we need. Then we can move on to some of the more remote islands that will have clean water for swimming & diving.

Skye emailed the sad news that her last grandparent – Anne Nelson \”ATG\”, Annie the Granny has passed away. We called Skye via satellite phone. The connection was poor and the brief exchange seemed so inadequate. The reality of how far away we are hits me hard and we long to flee to her. She misses us but is strong and handling all that the death of this matriarch entails. She misses Anne but is glad she is no longer suffering. Skye wrote a beautiful obituary that we will post separately. Despite the fact that Scott was the ex-son-in-law, Anne never stopped treating him as family. When he and I married she embraced me as well. That was an honor and privilege that I valued. She sent Scott and me birthday, father\’s day & mother\’s day cards without fail. We were always invited to Gaye & Skye\’s joint birthday parties (June 9 & 10).

Receiving this news gets me to thinking of when I will receive an email from sister Alberta that our now 92 year old father is gone. How will I feel? Where will I be? What will I do? As a wise Chinese acupuncturist once told me, \”Best not to think about it\”. So I breathe and try to stay in the moment.

Cindy
Hiva Oa, Day #3

Dear F&F,
June 17-18, 2009

Yesterday (June 16) was a good day. Scott & I have had some nice times while Mike was off watch in his cabin. We are so used to being alone together, we have been a bit restrained from our usual playfulness with crew onboard. We would usually play a lot more music, dance, sing & cuddle. Mike was a huge help & we would certainly have him along again. But it will soon be time to return him to wife Beth who is missing him greatly and resume our duo .

I MADE BREAD! We were motoring during my 4:00-8:00 a.m. watch. I followed Mike\’s English Muffin bread recipe and it came out great. Delicious and easy, no kneading, or punching down. It just rises once in the pan. So I am all set now: I can make yogurt & bread, what more could we want? Yes a steady supply of fruits & veggies is nice. I am happy that I\’ve been able to pace the ripening of my papayas so they will just last for the duration. I don\’t remember anything about the market on Hiva Oa, other than it was small. But Scott has been in contact with several boats recently there & has information and recommendations on everything.

We are using an agent to check in to French Polynesia. The company\’s main office is in Papeete with a representative for the Marquesas at Hiva Oa. She will help with check-in and getting flight reservations for Mike. We will also get a fuel permit through the agent. This gives us a discount of nearly 50% from what they would charge foreigners without this permit. We need a lot of fuel since we motored about 72 hours plus ran the generator every day. The savings to us is well worth the cost of the permit.

We are sailing right now but the pattern the past few days is that it dies off at night so then we motor. It works out fine. I will have the midnight – 4:00 a.m. shift tonight so will hopefully be the one to see Land Ho first. At least on radar. We have seen a couple of fishing boats, but far in the distance so no worries about collision. It is interesting that over 200 miles away from the islands they are out here fishing.

ARRIVAL DAY – June 17
It rained, the islands were blanketed in low clouds, visible only on radar for a long time. But we knew they were there and the miles were ticking down. I had told the guys to let me sleep as long as I could, to not wake me for the first Land Ho! When I got up of my own accord at 9:30 a.m. (another long 5 hour sleep – yippee!) I could see Fatu Hiva and a couple of the other islands. The clouds hid them entirely then the sun & breeze made them visible again.

It was midday as we came alongside Hiva Oa, our entry island, and we had good visual. We had to make the 90 degree right turn into the bay before any anchored boats could be seen. We were the 9th cruising boat in the anchorage, 4 of them catamarans. Because it is somewhat close quarters, all the boats set bow & stern anchors (front & back) to prevent swinging with the change of wind & current. A single-hander from Arizona was right in front of us & friendly with information about check-in, the town, internet etc. It was mid afternoon by the time we settled in. We celebrated with an early happy hour then took a nap. I slept like an unconscious person. When I awoke at 6:00 p.m. I knew I\’d better feed the guys. I heated a can of beans & served it with chips so no one went to bed hungry. It was so fantastic to stay in bed all night. I showered & went to bed about 8:00 p.m. & did not get up until 7:00 a.m. Even my couple of trips to the bathroom were enjoyable, knowing I was awake in the middle of the night & did not have to go on watch!

June 18
Scott hailed our agent on the VHF radio as instructed, but no response. He then emailed their main office in Tahiti, and a quick reply with Sandra\’s phone numbers. We were told her radio was not working. We called via satellite phone & she said she would pick us up onshore in 10 minutes. There is no dinghy dock (as a barge which is � sunk on it has put it out of commission) , but it is still a dry landing. You step off onto a small wooden platform & tie up with a long line. You have to throw an anchor off the back of the dinghy to keep it away from being bashed against the rocky shore. You have to notice whether the tide is rising or falling. This will determine how much scope (length) of anchor line you need out to still be able to pull the dinghy in when you return & want to retrieve the dinghy.

We had 2 bags of plastic trash that we had saved from our crossing & deposited in barrels onshore. I had carefully washed each bit as tossed so it was not stinky after 17 1/2 days. Sandra, our agent, greeted us & we struggled to speak French to her. A bit tough to switch after nearly 2 years in Spanish speaking countries. She also understood & spoke enough English that we managed. She said she would take our passports & other check-in documents to the Gendarme tomorrow. It seems they only work in the morning and on certain days for check ins. She showed us where the small Air Tahiti office was (to book Mike\’s flight home) & told us that the Post Office had internet connections. It was sunny, hot & humid on land. The roads were paved & many more homes & buildings have been built since Scott & I were here 13 years ago.

Long story short, Mike has a flight from here to Nuka Hiva to Tahiti. His Tahiti to LA flight is in question. The office had a problem with their fax machine. We took the information to the hardware store to fax from there. The travel guy said to check with him in the morning, he should have an email from Air Tahiti with the confirmation code. Meanwhile we have to make sure Mike will get his passport back before getting on any airplanes. I\’m sure it will all work out.

I took advantage of the market opportunity. Of course a baguette. A long lovely French baguette. A can of whole tomatoes, olives, red wine, shortbread cookies, eggs, flour. The cargo ship came in today, so the shopping should be better tomorrow. There was no produce of interest, only apples and massive cucumbers. As we walked back to the bay, we saw 2 busloads of tourists that obviously had just come off the ship. We didn\’t know there was much tourism here besides cruisers. We have no idea where they were being taken. We tried to hitchhike but the locals just kept driving by. After we walked more than half of the 2 mile distance, a truck finally stopped. It was hot but lovely to be walking. The green trees & foliage seemed extra green after days of only blue & grey at sea.

Mike helped hoist Scott up the mast to cut off the broken piece of our mainsail track. They want to do one or two other projects before Mike departs. He is schlepping back a bunch of stuff that we don\’t need onboard any more. I washed all my mildew smelling clothes, wiped the closet out with vinegar & transferred the last of the produce to the main fridge so I can take the small one offline. Tonight\’s dinner is pork chops (from the Galapagos) with a can of madera sauce I just bought in town plus frozen peas & of course the baguette. The French cabernet syrah is delicious and it is cooling off as the sun goes behind the mountain. A good first day.

Scott & I will be here at least through Wednesday since Sandra said it will take three business days to get the fuel permit. Then we will sail to some of the other Marquesas Islands, all day sail distance.

Fellow passagemakers \”Uliad\” got in today and we expect \”Giselle\” tomorrow. They were the 2 other sailboats Scott talked with the most via single sideband radio. At some point I\’m sure we will have a get acquainted gathering. Sending Love & Hugs to you all!
Cindy at Anchor – Day #1

Dear F&F,
June 15, 2009

I got several great responses to my raw & low-down email sent to my shoreside support group. I am blessed to have so many wonderful friends & loving family. Hearing how much people are with me in spirit really helps me feel connected & not go completely round the bend.

Sister Maria\’s sweet reply to my Low Down day:
\”Being at sea must truly connect you with the deepest parts of yourself, the good, the icky, the scary, the brave. What an opportunity to be free from all other distractions and plumb the depths of your being. Of course, that wasn\’t your intention, for that usually people sign up to sit on a cushion in a dark room with incense burning.

Fortunately, it sounds as if you dip in and out of those places and are still surrounded by love, good food, capable men. Parts of this experience will be lots better in the telling than the living I am
sure, as many of our grueling life experiences are. May you enjoy the ups and dig into the downs in a way that continues to feed your soul.

For an earth sign like you, who loves creature comforts as much as I do, this is a super stretch. But, you have always been good at stretches (of your soul as well as yoga). I am sure Scott is grateful to and proud of you. And you can be proud of yourself. Hang in there, I hear land is just days away.\”

Friend Linda had this suggestion:
\”I have something you may be able to use the next time you \’bottom out\’. Begin to sing, \”Nobody knows the trouble I\’ve seen, Nobody knows my sorrow. Nobody knows the trouble I\’ve seen, it\’s such a (sad, horrid, rotten, stinky, lousy, miserable, stupid, annoying – choose one or all) tomorrow.\”
Sing loudly, slump over, sing sadly, Feel the words, feel your misery, sing with feeling! But sing out! Don\’t stop until you begin to smile and I guarantee you WILL begin to smile. Keep singing until you feel the smile all over. This is one of my favorite things to do when self-pity takes over. Self pity is where I can really shine! But a quick reminder of how silly my \”sorrows\” are and things come back into a better perspective. Yeah, there are lots of things to gripe about, but being retired and taking care of a herd of cats (or, as in your case, sailing away) aren\’t the worst things in this world. Annoying stuff to be sure. Unpleasant, uncomfortable, demanding, achy, (you think of some) but life threatening? No. Life altering? Perhaps. Reason to pitch it all in? No. Reason to gripe? You Bet! So, next time Mr. Misery comes to call, wallow for a bit and then begin to sing, \”Nobody knows the trouble I\’ve seen . . .\” and remember, this was an old slave song. Now THEY had troubles.
Heck, you can be miserable anywhere! Why not while being seasick, diesel sick, motion fatigued and sick and tired of tedious adjustments of sail and gizmos? Besides, did you expect this to be a \’thrill a minute\’ adventure, one endless round of joyful cavorting with dolphins, a daily round of glorious sunrises and sunsets?\”

And here is what friend Lori wrote to cheer me up:
2007 – Chinese year of the Chicken – Bird Flu Pandemic devastates parts of Asia
2008 – Chinese year of the Horse – Equine Influenza decimates Australian racing
2009 – Chinese year of the Pig – Swine Flu Pandemic kills hundreds of pigs/humans around the globe.
Next year 2010 – Chinese year of the Cock – God help us all…
ASIDE FROM SCOTT: This is pure Cindy!
Keep em\’ coming,
Cindy

Dear F&F,
June 15, 2009

I got several great responses to my raw & low-down email sent to my shoreside support group. I am blessed to have so many wonderful friends & loving family. Hearing how much people are with me in spirit really helps me feel connected & not go completely round the bend.

Sister Maria\’s sweet reply to my Low Down day:
\”Being at sea must truly connect you with the deepest parts of yourself, the good, the icky, the scary, the brave. What an opportunity to be free from all other distractions and plumb the depths of your being. Of course, that wasn\’t your intention, for that usually people sign up to sit on a cushion in a dark room with incense burning.

Fortunately, it sounds as if you dip in and out of those places and are still surrounded by love, good food, capable men. Parts of this experience will be lots better in the telling than the living I am
sure, as many of our grueling life experiences are. May you enjoy the ups and dig into the downs in a way that continues to feed your soul.

For an earth sign like you, who loves creature comforts as much as I do, this is a super stretch. But, you have always been good at stretches (of your soul as well as yoga). I am sure Scott is grateful to and proud of you. And you can be proud of yourself. Hang in there, I hear land is just days away.\”

Friend Linda had this suggestion:
\”I have something you may be able to use the next time you \’bottom out\’. Begin to sing, \”Nobody knows the trouble I\’ve seen, Nobody knows my sorrow. Nobody knows the trouble I\’ve seen, it\’s such a (sad, horrid, rotten, stinky, lousy, miserable, stupid, annoying – choose one or all) tomorrow.\”
Sing loudly, slump over, sing sadly, Feel the words, feel your misery, sing with feeling! But sing out! Don\’t stop until you begin to smile and I guarantee you WILL begin to smile. Keep singing until you feel the smile all over. This is one of my favorite things to do when self-pity takes over. Self pity is where I can really shine! But a quick reminder of how silly my \”sorrows\” are and things come back into a better perspective. Yeah, there are lots of things to gripe about, but being retired and taking care of a herd of cats (or, as in your case, sailing away) aren\’t the worst things in this world. Annoying stuff to be sure. Unpleasant, uncomfortable, demanding, achy, (you think of some) but life threatening? No. Life altering? Perhaps. Reason to pitch it all in? No. Reason to gripe? You Bet! So, next time Mr. Misery comes to call, wallow for a bit and then begin to sing, \”Nobody knows the trouble I\’ve seen . . .\” and remember, this was an old slave song. Now THEY had troubles.
Heck, you can be miserable anywhere! Why not while being seasick, diesel sick, motion fatigued and sick and tired of tedious adjustments of sail and gizmos? Besides, did you expect this to be a \’thrill a minute\’ adventure, one endless round of joyful cavorting with dolphins, a daily round of glorious sunrises and sunsets?\”

And here is what friend Lori wrote to cheer me up:
2007 – Chinese year of the Chicken – Bird Flu Pandemic devastates parts of Asia
2008 – Chinese year of the Horse – Equine Influenza decimates Australian racing
2009 – Chinese year of the Pig – Swine Flu Pandemic kills hundreds of pigs/humans around the globe.
Next year 2010 – Chinese year of the Cock – God help us all…
ASIDE FROM SCOTT: This is pure Cindy!
Keep em\’ coming,
Cindy

Dear F&F,
Galapagos to Marquesas Passage

Flying Fish
Scott describes flying fish as the \”flies of the sea\”. That seems appropriate. The first few days we had them non-stop. We still see them frequently. Out here they are about 6-8 inches long with a 6-8 inch wing span. A whole flock will rise up out of the ocean & flap away. Evolution before our eyes. Some unfortunately flap right onboard. We try to throw them back while they are still alive. We miss the ones on the bows at night. In the morning we walk the decks to toss over the stiff bodies. Mike said that on super fast race boats the crew need to wear helmets since a flying fish in the face could put your eye out! Most of them fly away from us & don\’t land onboard so are fun to watch. Mostly bones & wings, but something must eat them since they are so plentiful; surely they are near the bottom of the fish food chain. They smell awful!

Squid
We had a lot of squid jumping onboard early in the trip. They are most active at night & a little trickier to get a hold of while flopping around. They are squishy and spray black ink. We have some stains on the teak that I hope will come out with Oxyclean or bleach. Scott got \”squidded\” in the shoulder on his watch. I don\’t handle any creatures without my bilge gloves on. If you don\’t get them off the boat it smells like fish emulsion fertilizer in the morning. I\’ve stepped on one in the dark (shoes on thank God!) and it took me the longest time to figure out where the heck the stink was coming from. I was tramping squid guts around the deck. Oh joy.

Birds
We haven\’t seen many the past few days. We are really, really far away from land in both directions. At our farthest we will were 1500 miles from the nearest piece of land. Early on we had booby birds swirling around us. Also occasional smaller tern type birds. When the sea is calm, some really small birds are seen just sitting on the water until we come up & disturb them. Then they fly away & re-settle again beyond our path.

Whales
Mike had one full daytime watch surrounded by whales in every direction. Scott & I came up to enjoy the spectacle for a few hours. Amazing. I had never seen so many spouts at one time. Fantastic. Rare distant spouts since then, but not a whole school. Either Minke or Humpbacks, we weren\’t sure. Our new friends sailing a bit behind us, David and Mary on \”Giselle\” said they saw several Minke Whales as well.

Dolphins
Mike reported a night shift with dolphin companions. It was when we were motoring. We use only one engine to conserve fuel, so don\’t go fast enough to be fun for dolphins very long. I am surprised we have not seen more out here.

Mola Mola (Ocean Sun Fish)
Early in the trip, we were all 3 out in the cockpit when we heard a thump then saw a fairly large fin off the right rear corner of the boat. Mike recognized it as a Mola Mola. Scott & I have seen them diving. They are slow movers & often asleep. I hope we didn\’t hurt it. Neither the starboard daggerboard (which lifted a few feet) or the Mola Mola seemed worse for wear.

Baby Whale Shark
I was inside, but the guys said the shape was unmistakable. A whitish gray and about 10 feet long.

I think that about covers it. There are no bugs. The temperature has been lovely: mid 80s day, upper 70s night. We have had a brief drizzle as we sail under a cloud, but otherwise no significant rain. The full moon has been great company on the night watches. During the day, the sky is baby blue with soft puffy clouds. Like wallpaper you\’d put in a nursery. We are literally sailing into the sunset as our course is almost due west.

Scott & Cindy

Dear F&F,
June 14, 2009

When I took over for Mike at midnight we had good wind strength from a good direction & it was fairly easy to fly the spinnaker. Those lovely conditions lasted for 1 hour of my 4 hour watch. At hour 2 the wind dwindles to below spinnaker flying parameters. I should have gone & woken up Scott to help me lower the sails & start motoring. But I wanted to let the Captain get his beauty rest. Plus I kept hoping & wishing & waiting for the wind to freshen again. It never did. We had gibed yesterday to head more north where the weather reports say there is more wind. On starboard gibe (wind coming over my right side) I had to sail really high to keep any shape to the spinnaker at all. So I limped along the rest of my shift trying to make the tablecloth behave and the boat as quiet as possible for the sleeping crew. I was making 4 knots VMG (speed in the direction we want to go), so it\’s not like I was taking us backwards. As expected, when Scott got up to relieve me, we furled both the chute & the main & motored towards the barn.

I slept pretty well from 4:30-6:30 a.m. I awoke to being rained on. Scott was clueless with the headset on with his morning net, the interior of the boat getting soaked from all open hatches. We did the Chinese fire drill & I crawled back to my cave. The rain only lasted 5 minutes. With the help of 4 Calms Forte (homeopathic sleep aid), I was able to drift off again & woke up hungry at 10:15 a.m.

I decided to make quinoa for breakfast. Alberta had told me in no uncertain terms that it MUST BE RINSED before cooking. She said it was bad for you if you don\’t. Well, heck I just didn\’t imagine I\’d be eating enough quinoa from my one small package to make a hoot of difference. I figured it was some Sonoma County organic-minded warning & doubted the Costa Ricans (where it was purchased) washed their quinoa before cooking it. She had told me it was 1 part grain to 2 parts water, which is the same as rice, so I decided to try it in the pressure cooker. Nine minutes later it appeared just right, maybe a bit less yellow & more brown than what I\’d had at Alberta\’s house. I took a big spoonful of the steaming grain & crunched down on DIRT! You have to wash the quinoa because it is loaded with DIRT!!! Yuck. Just like unwashed spinach. Gritty, sandy, even a few pebbles. I pulled out my frying pan splatter cover which is the closest thing to a fine mesh strainer I have. I thought perhaps I could wash it after the fact. No bueno. I don\’t know how the heck one ever gets all the dirt out of quinoa. I just laughed. I laughed so hard at myself I couldn\’t stop giggling. I tossed the whole mess overboard for King Neptune to enjoy. It was worth the exercise just for the entertainment value. A mesh strainer is now on my shopping list. But it will take a lot of careful washing. How do you get rid of the big chunks of dirt & pebbles? Praise be to David & Alberta for cooking up dirt-free & perfect quinoa for breakfast many days a week. We have enough oatmeal & eggs so will continue serving the usual breakfast fare.

I still had to eat something, so I scrambled a couple eggs & re-toasted already cooked bacon. Burned the bacon a bit. Just not my day for the galley… Mike was still motoring his whole watch but shortly after I took over the wind piped up. From a good direction. So we hoisted the main & spinnaker & had a glorious 30 minutes of sailing. I was doomed the minute I put on sunscreen. It was the first day I\’d put it on. But it was overcast & I knew the sun angle was not yet shading me under the bimini, so I put on long light pants & screened my face, neck & arms. Sure enough, it starts to rain. Not the 5 minutes of drizzle we\’ve had a couple times before, it is really raining. Nice change but at the same time the wind goes wonky. We motor a while. Then I think the wind is strong enough to at least fly the genoa. Scott helps me pull that out. But the wind is too light & I\’m having to point too high & the boat is really rocking & rolling in the beam sea. We drive ourselves crazy sailing slow in the wrong direction for another hour, then start the motor again.

We passed a big milestone on my watch: 499 miles to go & counting down. To celebrate I brought out the hidden Magnum bars. They are every bit as good as Haagen Dazs, dark chocolate outside & rich vanilla ice cream inside. I also made another batch of yogurt. I hope it turns out alright. The temperature was right, but I didn\’t blend in my starter in well enough. Have to find a good way to make sure it is thoroughly mixed.

We turned on the radar to watch the rain squalls. It is still raining lightly & completely overcast. Scott could not hear the other 2 boats in our neck of the woods at the scheduled radio check in time. So we don\’t know what kind of weather they have. It is helpful to hear their reports since one boat is behind us to the north of us & the other behind us to the south (where our \”new\” wind will come from).

We have 2 loads of wet laundry draped inside the house since we can\’t hang it outside. I\’ll be off watch from 4:00-8:00 p.m. so put out a can of beans & can of corn for the boys to heat up with some tortillas. Mike told me the guest room \”pantry\” was smelling a bit ripe. Upon investigation I found 3 potatoes that had gone mush. I plan to cook the rest tomorrow. Thank you Maria for reminding me that tomatoes need sun to turn red. I have 4 green ones out on the counter now. We\’ll see. Last night\’s garlic shrimp, broccoli & rice was a big hit & the guys enjoyed the leftovers for lunch.

Despite the squalls, fluky wind & lumpy seas I am happy today. Wouldn\’t you know that just as we get there I am finally getting the hang of this offshore passage business! I think the 5 hours sleep I had really helped my disposition. I am staying on top of the seasickness by wearing the half patch & a bit of stugeron 45 minutes before doing email. I sure hope our diesel holds up as much as we may need to still motor.

Cindy at Sea
Day #15

Dear F&F,
June 13, 2009

The wind gods had pity on me during my dog watch yesterday evening. With just 2 knots more wind, our speed was better and managing the helm easier. I was worn out from wallowing in negativity so slept quite well from 8:30 pm until 3:00 a.m. I could tell the boat was sailing slow again, from the motion and the sounds. I was hoping Mike would say it was time to motor, but no such luck. He handed me the auto pilot remote with instructions for the wind angle parameters that had been working for him. I made a cafe au lait & sat down to my task. There I was, in the dark with a half moon & plenty of stars beginning the 4:00 a.m. shift. I focused on the screens & the numbers but I also made sure to look out at the waves & up at the edge of the sail. Somehow I was doing it. I was keeping the boat moving. Creeping slowly over each swell, not getting stuck in the trench but riding to the top of the next with momentum. Mike said \”the sail will collapse if you steer left into the teens\”. I managed to avoid doing that. I did get too low (away from the wind) a few times, but could drive up (toward the wind) & recover from each lull. I knew Scott would be up for his morning net about 6:30 a.m., so I didn\’t have to think about enduring the full 4 hours. I just wanted to get through until sunrise. A new day. And Scott\’s company. I could do it. And I did.

Scott had his check-in with our fellow passage makers then asked for breakfast. So happy was I to cast aside my Helm Hat & don the Goddess of the Galley gown! We ate Mike\’s bread toasted with cream cheese & jam. He sat with me. Yesterday I did end up \”sharing my pain\” with him & he stayed close to me the rest of the day. He keeps telling me that this is the longest passage we are likely to ever make. Ever. Wow. That doesn\’t completely sink in. But what I think he intends for me to hear is that if I can just get through this, it will not be this hard for this long in the future.

I know some of you probably imagine that I\’d want to just let 3 guys take the boat on the next crossing & fly to meet them. But I would hate to hear: \”Hon, you should have been there, it was awesome! The wind was steady, the seas were calm, you would have loved it!\”. No, I am stubborn plus I am stuck like glue on Scott & can\’t bear to think of him out here without me. He would be fine. But I would miss him too much.

It is too soon to say the end is in sight, but we are down to 642 miles to go. Our Velocity Made Good (the speed in the direction that matters) is averaging 6. If I\’m doing the math correctly we will be there in 4 1/2 days. I can do 4 1/2 days. Heck, I\’ve just done 2 weeks! I\’ve got shrimp defrosting & will cook it with garlic served on rice. Mike & I have been enjoying the balsamic dressed beets. Scott sweetly enjoys whatever I hand him. We are a good team. Scott is napping. Mike is steering. I get another dog watch (only 2 hours), happy day!

We are getting there. Perhaps I have had just a bit too much time to think. The ocean is vast and yet my mind keeps drifting inwards. I will be eager to explore the island above & below. Thank you for keeping me company on my ups & downs, (lefts, rights & sideways…)

Cindy at Sea, Day #14

Dear F&F,
June 2009 – Passage to the Marquesas

In response to my complaints about sleep deprivation and seasickness, I received this in an email from my sister Alberta: \”I think you are amazing even tolerating it at all. I probably would have quit by now.\”

I know she is not the only one thinking this. She got me to thinkin\’. These are my thoughts…

What would I do, hide in my cabin in misery for the remaining days at sea? Not do my part & create more work for the guys? No, quitting is simply not an option. Not that I would want it to be. I came on this boat ride with eyes wide open. Every trip I am hopeful that I will not be seasick, but I have the means to ward it off, so I just deal with it. After a low point on day #4, I have been more at peace despite little sleep. It is mostly a mental thing, thinking I need 8 hours. The fact is I feel fine on 4 and if I get another 1-2 hour lie down, I am really good. Playing the \”video game\” is not that fun for me, but I now know to ask for breaks which really helps. And I am getting a bit better at playing the game, so it is less frustrating. Practice makes perfect. I don\’t think we\’ll be out here long enough for me to get it down perfectly, but at least I don\’t feel like such a spaz. Both Scott & Mike have given me good pointers and I learn a lot by watching them. I also see that they don\’t always do it perfectly either, so this helps me be easier on myself.

I am pretty tough. I am an athlete. I rode a bicycle 125 miles, twice. I climbed Mount Whitney. I ran four marathons in two years. I have a high pain threshold and am known to be stoic. I am competitive with others, but mostly with myself. I want to do whatever I do the best that I can. I am an eager student and have kind teachers. I fell in love with Scott on an 18 hour boat race onboard a sailboat without a toilet. Yep, peed in a bucket. He proposed to me a year later in the fog on a 24 hour boat race.

Building our boat in France, working on it non-stop in LA for 3 years, then continuing to do major projects during our first 18 months abroad has been challenging. But we have been rewarded with all major systems functioning well during this passage (quick – knock wood!). Yes, there have been some minor annoying problems but nothing insurmountable. It is a boat. By definition it will require constant repairs, replacements and maintenance. Every time I get down with the amount of work or hardships with this lifestyle, I ponder what might I prefer to be doing? Nothing leaps to mind. I miss my friends & my family. But I can get letters from you in the middle of the ocean! I get weary of the constant motion & noise of being underway. But in a week or so we will be in a calm anchorage & have all the time we need to rest & recover. I don\’t mind cooking for us, especially now that I can count galley time as credit toward my watch shifts. It was worth the ride just to wake up to the aroma of Mike\’s freshly baked bread – twice! I only regret not buying more flour. The sea life I have described. But even the hours when there is nothing but the vast expanse of blue ocean in every direction is quite peaceful and I am content. No, more than content. I am happy to be here. Despite the computer seasick syndrome. Despite the lack of sleep. I can be an insomniac in a perfectly still, quiet house. So to get 4 hours here & there in these conditions, heck! I\’m doing great!

I am doing great, but keep in mind that I tend to write more when a bit down. It has always been my way to release my troubled mind. But rest assured that there is no place I would rather be. Scott, Mike & I are a perfect team. I never imagined a third person would be so comfortable for so long. He is pleasant and easy going. He does his part and more. We each look out for the others. Scott, who is not known for his culinary skills, one evening asked me about Mike\’s dinner. Scott & I had already eaten while Mike was still asleep. I left a note for Mike with the quesadillas in the skillet & a small container of guacamole. Just re-heat & eat. But Scott served it to him. Mike may not realize the significance of that. But I can count few times that Scott has ever served me anything, except by my direct request & detailed instructions. He did prepare me a delicious peanut butter & cream cheese sandwich yesterday.

Neither Mike nor I are very interested in listening to or talking on the two radio networks that Scott checks in with twice daily. But we are amused & supportive of Scott\’s excitement at talking to various hams around the country. He is so proud to report about our journey and progress. A long time family friend, Howard Lipstone in Brentwood, has been connecting with him every evening. All the old guys on the Maritime Mobile Network are terrific and have looked up weather info for us and are always quick to offer to make phone calls or help us in any way they can.

Forgive me if I have dwelled on the difficulties more than the good parts. I am eager to get to our new \”neighborhood\”. So many islands to discover and dive. We\’ve had encouraging reports from sailors that have been to the Marquesas, diving with manta rays. It may take us yet another week. But I am in no rush. We are all safe & enjoying the ride. Being comfortable is not a strong priority for me. I find it far more satisfying to conquer the challenges of life on the open ocean than to sit tied to the same old dock. We are gypsies. Wanderers, Explorers. We are doing it together. Out here,To the finish.

I am not a quitter. I am a crucial Member of the Team. I am First Mate – and Last Mate! I am the Goddess of the Galley. I am Mistress of the High Seas.
And Always, Cindy the Sailor (ok, sometimes the Motorer!)

Scott & Cindy